As I mentioned earlier this week, I am partaking on an adventure: 9 Weeks to Better Sex. Week 1 is half way through, so I thought I would share my exercises with you.
Define your terms
- When I say I want to have sex, I mean I want to… Fuck you. Get off. Play.
- Sex for me is… about finding pleasure in each other. Learning about what pleases one another, and then implementing it into our lives. About sharing, giving, taking. About pushing my limits, finding my boundaries, going one step beyond. One of the greatest things on Earth.
- When I think about sex, the first thing I think about is… M’s cock.
- The last think I think about is… the way he pounds into me right before he cums.
- Words I am comfortable using about my own body are… nipples, pussy (this one took me awhile to get comfortable with, sometimes it still makes me giggle), cunt (but only in certain situations, like if he’s fucking me really hard), ass, fuck.
- Words I’m comfortable using about other people’s bodies are… balls, dick, cock (my favorite).
- Words I like others to use about my body are… cunt, pussy. Pussy, coming from a man, seems more playful to me, but Cunt is primal, harsh. As mentioned earlier, to me they each have their place in the bedroom, and they may not always be interchangable.
- To me, great sex is… overwhelming, inspirational, mind-blowing. It makes me closer to him, sharing an experience like that.
- To me, bad sex is… uncomfortable, awkward, disappointing.
- Define better sex. Is it like something you’ve had before, or have yet to experience with your partner?
M and I have a pretty good sex life right now. Probably the best we’ve ever had. But what would make it better? A little bit more sex through the week. Maybe some morning sex (I love morning sex, but M, not so much). More sober sex. On the weekends, which is when the majority of our sex occurs, we are normally drinking. And not that it’s a bad thing, but it’s shitty when I wake up and don’t remember all the details, or when I try to picture it, it’s a little hazy. This is a big one for me. Better sex will definitely include more sober sex.
- Name 3+ things you love about your sexual relationship. Think of the relationship from the beginning, specific sex acts, how you feel when you have sex, what it means to you.
There are a lot of things I love about my sexual relationship with M.
1) I love that we were friends with benefits first. This allowed us to mesh sexually before emotions became
involved. It allowed us to discuss what each other liked, what felt good, how we liked to get off, straight from the beginning. It was a completely hedonistic relationship, so it wasn’t about “how is this going to make you feel emotionally.” It was “how can I make you cum.” I’ve never considered this before, but this very well may be why we are so great together sexually. We were completely open from day one. I actually remember, laying in M’s bed, shortly after we had started fucking. He was going down on me. I told him, “If you finger me while you lick my pussy, it will make me cum really hard.” I don’t know if I would have said something like that to a new “boyfriend.” And it worked both ways. One of the first times I sucked his cock, M told me where he liked to be touched, the specific little things that really get him going, etc. Had I been on a date with him, instead of being there just to fuck him, I don’t know if he would have been as willing to share that information right up front.
2) I love that M is willing to experiment with me. He does not have as much kink in his background as I do. I don’t think he necessarily desires kinky things the way I do. For instance, I don’t think he ever would have taken the steps to buy a whip or a paddle. He, perhaps, had not even entertained thoughts of using those on me, or on anybody else. But, when I brought them home, he was more than willing to try. And now that he sees what they do to me, how hot they make me, now it turns him on. Now he thinks about it and wants it. It’s the same with many things: anal sex, butt plugs, D/s, spanking. But now these are his kinks too. He has embraced them with me. He has never refused to do something because it was “too” much.
3) I love the way he makes me squirt. I used to squirt with an ex during specific positions, but that had never happened with M (M’s cock is larger and, no matter what position we are in, it is always above my G-Spot). I had discussed with M off and on through the past 9.5 years that I’d like to try to figure out something to make me squirt. For the longest time, he really wasn’t that interested. He thought it was “too messy.” And then one day, while he was finger fucking the shit out of me, it happened, unexpectedly. And he loved it. LOVED it! Now he can’t get enough of it. That turns me on. Knowing that making me cum, makes him so happy… Mmmm. I’m getting distracted!
4) I love the love that we share. I have never been more comfortable with anyone in my life. We are the happiest couple I know. Just last night we were out with a friend, and he commented on us, saying “It’s like you guys aren’t even married.” I asked what he ment by that. He responded that it is obvious to anyone that we are happy together. We touch, often. We smile at one another. We are very sexual. He said that’s not what he sees with other married couples.
- Why do you want better sex? You need to know your motivation.
Why not have better sex. I love M and I love sex and I love to get off. If I can make any of those things better, stronger, why wouldn’t I try. Plus, it gives me 9 weeks worth of blog posts when I’m tired or over-worked or can’t decide on a topic.
- Where do your ideas of what better sex is come from? Past experiences, things seen or read, an “inner feeling.”
I don’t really have specifics about what “better sex” is. It’s not like I am after certain things through out this journey. I’m just looking to improve the over all experience that M and I have. So… I guess that I’m not drawing ideas from anywhere. I’m just opening up to what may be.
So, dear reader, there you have it. My responses to the first weeks worth of questions. Some were easy. Some brought up things that I hadn’t even known, which I guess is probably the point. They made me think of things in a new way. Please feel free to do these yourself. Put it in the comments. I’d like to see what you think.