Sorry ladies, I know I shouldn’t be encouraging the guys out there to pressure you into swallowing, but I’ve thought about this lately and decided to do a bit of research on the subject, and lo and behold, it turns out that swallowing cum can help you out, in more ways than just getting those new shoes you’ve been eyeing up. Not only is it full of protein, but it has other benefits as well. It took some time to sift through the myths and get to the facts of the matter, but I, the dedicated cum-swallower, did and (most) of the information below is from reputable sources. That being said, one thing I do want to clarify, is even in the university and hospital studies, researchers often seem to make the jump from things being beneficial through absorption of the vaginal walls, to having the same benefits if swallowed. I, my dear friends, am a human service worker, dealing with addicts and mental health, and have not done real research for a number of years. Hence, I am not a scientific expert, and I do not know if this is the case. But regardless, here we go…
- Semen, when “ingested orally” lowers the risk of preeclampsia in pregnant women (in case you didn’t know, preeclampsia causes high blood pressure which can result in difficulties in both mother and baby, and often leads to bed-rest in the third trimester). So, if your Mrs. is knocked up, and her bp is starting to run high, go ahead and jam your cock down her throat… Afterall, you want the very best for your offspring!
- Obviously, semen is a natural source of proteins and vitamins. It contains a ton of shit, but the things that everyone will recognize include Vitamin C, calcium, citric acid, creatine (helps build muscles), potassium, Vitamin B12, zinc, and many others. I don’t know. Maybe if you start sucking your man off in the morning with your first cup of coffee, you can forgo that giant multi-vitamin you’ve been taking. Really, many of the vitamins on the market don’t absorb well in the digestive tract anyway, and end up coming out in the same form they went in.
- Semen contain certain antigens, which are what your body uses to produce antibodies, and therefore benefits the immune system. I don’t know if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, but it is allergy season up here in the Northeast… Maybe it’s time to pull down his pants and gobble on his junk. It should would be nice when your eyes quit itching and the sneezing stops.
- According to studies done on everything from lab rats to fruit flies to red blood cells, spunk reduces the effects of aging. By reducing the amount of free radicals, spermidine is thought to increase the life span of cells, and therefore, we hope, make us a bit healthier and have a better longevity. One Austrian study demonstrated that worms treated with spermidine increased their life spans by as much as 15% in comparison with the control group. Based on this research, other studies have sprung up and concluded that those women who have “regular contact” with semen, on average, have increased their lifespan by as much as 35%.
- And, ladies, anytime you are reducing free radicals in your system, you are lowering the effects of age, and therefore reducing the amount of wrinkles. Who doesn’t want less wrinkles? Fuck, I’ll do an extra two shots of cum every morning if it will keep crow’s-feet at bay!
- I was unable to find a reliable source, but it seems that there are “studies” out there somewhere that claim semen can help lower the risk of cancer, most specifically breast cancer, in women. This is based on research comparing women who use barrier methods of contraception (condoms, diaphragms, etc) and those that do not. I’m not holding my breath on this one, but you know what, if it convinces your woman to swallow up your cock, than run with it, my friend.
- The average load only contains about 15 calories, so, really, it’s a great way to jump-start your diet. 15 calories! I think I’ll take a second serving of that!
- Your man’s jizz is filled with mood enhancing chemicals and neurotransmitters. These include oxytocin, cortisol, prolactin, and serotonin. For any of you familiar with antidepressants, the most commonly prescribed (such as Prozac and Zoloft) are SSRIs, which, through a series of events that are not needed to be explained right here, increase the levels of serotonin in your brain. Maybe you can forgo the pills (and the limited libido and dry mouth that accompanies them) and start sucking some cock instead. I mean, cum on, sucking cock should put a smile on your face regardless of the increase of neurotransmitters, right!
- Semen also contains melatonin, which is a naturally occurring brain chemical that aids in inducing sleep. For those with insomnia, your doctor may have recommended you take a melatonin supplement, which you can buy over the counter at Walgreens. But why waste the money when you can simply chrome his dome and save yourself a few bucks. Think about it, you’d also be saving gas and the trees will thank you for that.
- And let’s not even talk about the real benefits of sucking your man off, regardless if you swallow his spunk or not. It makes you feel closer, increases bonding and emotional responses. And, at least for me, makes me randy as fucking hell.
Make it Tastier
- This first list of things is not so much for the taste, but to better the quality of your cum. If you are concerned about your lady’s health, and want to make your semen as healthy as possible for her, loaded up with minerals and nutrients, add a few of these things to your daily diet: Brazilian nuts, sunflower seeds, eggs, chicken breast, tuna, onions, tomatoes, bran, barley, mushrooms, apples, citrus fruits, leaks, carrots, and radishes.
- One of the biggest complaints that I have about spunk is not necessarily the taste, but the consistency. Sometimes the shit is too damn thick and if it’s not shot at the back of my throat, it’s hard for me to get it down. The number one way to keep the consistency normal, drink water. Staying hydrated not only keeps your splooge from thickening, it also keeps the salty, bitter taste at ease. So grab a bottle of water, or three, and drink it like it’s a 90 degree day. When you are working on blacktop. In a sweatsuit. You get the picture.
- Everyone agrees that vegetarians have the best tasting cum. From gay men to prostitutes to porn stars, if given the choice, they will all go with the herbivores over the carnivores any day. (Fuck, I’m glad I don’t have to worry about this, because I love my meat *haha* and I’m not giving up a rare steak for anything).
- Fruits and mints seem to be the number one things to add to your diet to increase the pleasurable taste of your spunk. Specifically mentioned are plums, nectarines, oranges, limes, lemons, spearmint, peppermint, parsley, cilantro, grapefruit, and green tea. pineapple, more than anything else, was recommended in just about everything I read. So grab some pineapple juice and let’s start doing some body shots with it or something, because if you want better tasting cum, you best start here.
- If you are a drinker, naturally fermented beers are the way to go. I didn’t look into the why of this, as I’m trying to wrap this post up so I can get fucked, so you are just going to have to trust me on this one.
Things That Make Your Spunk Funky
- Any veggie in the cabbage family. Although I love cabbage and broccoli and cauliflower and brussel sprouts, I think we can all agree that they are not the best smelling things around. I don’t know, maybe it’s something about the sulphur in it, who the fuck knows really? Well, I’m sure there are lots of people who know, but I’m not one of them. But I’m just saying, if you are trying to improve the taste of your cum, avoid these vegetables like you did when you were six.
- Do NOT eat asparagus. It belongs to the cabbage family (I think) so already it’s got genetics stacked against it. But, literally, every stinking thing I looked at said that it fucks with your spunk. So just don’t do it. And if you do, either don’t cum in her mouth for a few days (it takes about 24 hours to metabolize in your system and begin to work its way out) or offer her a Lifesaver or something.
- Other things to avoid: smoking, drinking liqueur, dairy products, drugs, caffeine, and red meat. Fuck, sometimes I’m glad I’m not a dude. I don’t want to give up any of these things!
And one last thing… I stole this from Don’t Spit Swallow and felt I had to include it, because, cum on, who doesn’t want a “Super Spunk Smoothie” a drink that “incorporates many popular cum-enhancing ingredients, as well as some used by cum-flavoring supplements.”
Super Spunk Smoothie
1 cup pineapple
frozen 1 cup apple juice
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS honey
Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white, 2 TBS wheat germ, 2 TBS flax seed, 1 shot wheatgrass juice
Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Drink immediately. Repeat daily for best results.
And the song of the day is from one of my all time favorite films…