Getting Vulgar

Slut Walk (Photo credit: wdroops)

A long while back, when LSAM was just adding a little kink to a marriage, I wrote about ways to talk dirty. Well, it’s time to take it a step further. Screw dirty, it’s time to get raunchy.

There are all sorts of levels to talking dirty. There’s the basics, and I recommend any newbie start there. You’ve got to test the water before you jump in. And then you’ve got the demanding orders, the humiliation, the vulgar nastiness you would never say in the light of day.

Me, personally, I like it all.

I like it when he calls me names. Whether it’s “toy” whispered in my ear moments before his teeth graze my skin or “dirty slut” as he fucks me from behind, I respond. My nipples tighten, my pulse races, my pussy drips. Because no matter what he calls me, he’s claiming me as his. He’s naming me.

And to me, it’s not degrading. Most of the time whatever he says is true. I am his little cum slut. When he’s playing with me, I’d do anything for him to make me cum. I am a slut, His slut. I’ll fuck him any way, any where. I’d let him do whatever he wants, whatever he asks.

I like it when he demands things of me, orders me, takes away my option to say no. Tells me what he wants and expects it in return. “On your knees.” “Now.” “Show me.” Any time he directs me, my breath catches and my chest tightens around it.

Not only do his words arouse me, but his willingness to take control, to command is erotic, it’s makes him even sexier, even hotter, even bigger. Much, much bigger.

I like it when he objectifies  me, says things that are humiliating. He takes away my shell with his words, the personas that I carry day after day. He sees me for what I am and tells me, lets me know it turns him on, makes him want me. “Dirty girl wants to cum.” “Gag on it.” “Squeeze that cock with your dirty cunt.”

He allows me to be raw. Real. Me, at the very basic. Nothing but skin and bone and desire and want. Primal. He reaches inside my mind and pulls out those things I am ashamed to want, ashamed to crave. And he gives them to me without judgement, without fear, without hesitation.

This allows me to grow. In ways I never thought possible. It allows me to know myself and him deeper than imagined. For these reasons, and so many more, I will always be his toy, his slut, his to command.

*Thank you Sir*Always*

Experimental Submissive Exhibitionist

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The other day I was back reading one of my favorite blogs, and I stumbled upon a quiz, Do You Have an Inclination for BDSM?  And of course I had to take it.  And the results didn’t fly with me.  So I took it again, just now.  And I still don’t know.  And I’m not holding these quizzes to actually mean shit, they just gave me an easy platform to talk about sex, as my creative juices don’t seem to be flowing.  But the over-thinker in me can’t help but wonder what I answered that lead to these conclusions.

Anyway, here we go.  These are the categories, the first number is my score from a few days ago, the second is tonight’s…

Exhibitionist/Voyeur            86/82

I’ve never considered myself an exhibitionist or a voyeur.  Never.  If you’d asked me this morning, I would have responded along the lines of ”Fuck no!”  But then I thought about it.  And I definitely have a steak of this in me.  I like sex in semi-public places:  in the car, outside, in a deserted room at a party.  And, although I may not actually recognize it as such in the moment, I love the idea of getting seen, getting caught.  I remember last summer, M and I were sleeping in a tent in the backyard.  And every time a car would drive by, I wondered if they could see our shadows, with M pounding in me.  So…  Exhibitionist.  Fuck ya!

And voyeur, I should fucking know better.  My last piece of fiction was fucking called “Watching.”  Why the fuck would I try to think I wasn’t into watching others.  I assume it’s the same for the rest of you, but if it’s coming out of my brain, through my hands, and onto the screen, it’s always going to be part of me.

Experimental                             86/89

I can completely get this one.  And it’s not just in the bedroom.  I like to try new things.  All the time.  I’m up for anything once (well, there was this one time, at my bachelorette party, at like 4 in the morning, and we are all standing around a campfire…  anyway, everyone was chugging beer out of this old disgusting shoe.  I wouldn’t do.  Even I have some standards!).  I guess I should say that I’m up for ALMOST anything…  Old gross shoes, nope.  That one’s a deal breaker.  But you want to do something I’m not interested in, sure, why not?  Maybe I’ll find something I really enjoy.  And if it’s something that scares me a little, makes my heart race, even better.

Switch                                           68/61

I really don’t see this one, but maybe just a little.  Although I don’t think about it, and I definitely don’t fantasize about it, I think, given the right circumstance (and the right girl, cause I think it would have to be a girl), I could absolutely get off on being a bit of a domme.  Not

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mean.  Just a little rough.  With a lot of spoiling…

Submissive                                 68/71

In my head, this would be on the top (ha!).  I believe it is.  Just about all my fantasies involve some sort of D/s.  And a lot of my sex does too, even if it’s mild, regular, everyday sex.  But I classify S&M into that too.  Spanking, hair pulling, etc.  I don’t know.  I like to bottom.  Period end.  Whatever you want to call it.

Bondage                                      61/68

It doesn’t surprise me that this score went up.  During our sex texts this morning, M and I got into a brief discussion of restraints.  Hence, most of the day, my mind kept wondering back to being tied to the bed…  But I like to be held down more than tied (generally speaking), but that’s because that’s in my comfort zone.  Maybe I need to be pushed.

Degradation Lover                 61/50

I can’t believe this one is so high.  I don’t think I like degradation at all, at least not by my definition.  I don’t like to be put down.  I’ve got some major issues with it.  But I do like dirty talk.  And I like dirty names in the middle of hot, raunchy sex.  Especially when it’s whispered in my ear, like a naughty little secret.  And I suppose that if someone I worked with called me a slut or a cunt, I’d freak the fuck out, but in the bedroom, it’s different.  I don’t find it degrading.  I find it hot.  Maybe I find it hot because it’s degrading.  I don’t fucking know.

Masochist                                   54/68

Pain…  Pain and sex, they have an enmeshed relationship in my world.  If you’ve read even a handful of my posts, you’ve probably heard me mention spanking.  Because I love being spanked. And I like rough sex, sex where I’m sore the next day.  But in the moment, I don’t really feel the pain, at least not the same way I do when walking through the house and M takes a good swing at my ass.  Because that fucking hurts!  But with leather in his hand, fuck, it’s a whole different sensation.  So do I like pain.  I like pain when I’m fucking.  Do I get off on it?  Yep.  Not because it hurts, but because it feels so damn good.

Sadist                                           32/50

Didn’t think this would be so high.  Again, I like to bottom.  I don’t think of inflicting pain.  Actually, as much as I enjoy it coming to me, the idea of being on the using end of a paddle or flogger does absolutely nothing for me.  Nada.  Cold fish type of nothing.

Dominant                                     14/14

I don’t I have the patience to top, or the creativity.  Or self-control.  That’s the big one really.  Not a whole lot of self-control.  Not a good trait for a dom.

Vanilla                                        11/4

And this makes me happy.  Just a bit of vanilla.  Probably the truest one of all!

So, if you made it through to the bottom, thank you, dear reader, for reading my randomness on this.  And sorry for the lack of excitement.  It will be back.

Novice Thoughts on BDSM

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Yesterday, M, me and the family all headed to Cabela’s.  We were in the car for almost two hours each way, which gave me the opportunity to catch up on some of my readings (although I really should have worked on my story…  February 28th is just around the corner).  I brought Patricia Payne’s Sex Tips From a Dominatrix, and read just about the whole thing on the trip…  So here we go…  my novice thoughts on BDSM.

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I have my kinks.  I always have.  I like to be spanked.  I like to be tied down.  I like dirty talk (“Umm….  yes I am a dirty little slut”).  But I don’t know if I ever really identified as a masochist, or even as a submissive (although I am submissive, using the verb, not the noun).  But I never really had the desire to search out a Dom.  I don’t have the intrinsic need for extremes, and I could not imagine paying someone to let me be submissive or being involved in such an intimate relationship outside my primary partner.  To be one of many, to have a professional Dom, seemed to defeat the purpose for me.  When I am submissive, when I solely want to please, I do it because it allows me to give up control, to embrace myself in a moment where thought and ego go away, replaced with obedience and trust.  Trust.  And while a large part of my submissiveness is about pleasing M, giving myself to him, there is a huge part where I trust him to give me pleasure.  I trust in him to make me want to cum, because it pleases him when I do.

Payne described it perfectly for me:  ”The scene is not so much about pain and suffering as you may have been led to believe.  The essence of S&M is not about historical oppression or pathological subjugation.  It is about the consensual exchange of power that exists between sexual partners.  It is taking someone to the brink.”  This is what I want, a relinquishing of power.  I am giving myself to you, to do with as you please, for both your pleasure and mine.

Ha!  In rereading that, it amazes me that I never really considered myself a sub.  But recently, I have come to terms with the fact that although I don’t really consider myself a submissive, I definitely identify as a bottom.  (Or maybe a SAM — but only because I like to tease…  and be punished accordingly).  What’s the difference?  Well, according to Payne, a slave is someone living the lifestyle, all day everyday, in and out of the bedroom.  A submissive (Sub) “surrenders physical and mental control within an intimate BDSM relationship, but generally independent and

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in control of his or her life otherwise.”  And finally, me, a bottom:  ”A person who is submissive during a BDSM scene, but not within other aspects of the relationship.”  And then we have my bratty side, the SAM — Smart-Ass Masochist — “A masochist or bottom who deliberately provokes a dominant.”

Where I am confused, dear reader, is I don’t know if M identifies as a Top (“A person who sexually dominates a submissive, but does not control other aspects of their relationship”).  I guess by definition, if I a bottom, and he contributes to that on a sexual level, then he would be my Top.  But I don’t know if that is how he thinks of himself.  Does he do it only because it turns me on?  Or does he find innate pleasure in it as well?  I really don’t know.  I have mentioned before that M’s kinks, at least those he embraces, are those that I have instilled in our relationship.  My kinks have become his.

And if it is solely for me, where do I take it from here?  Light BDSM is something relatively new in our relationship, in a matter of speaking.  While M would smack my ass, pull my hair,  and do little things like that before, most aspects are recent.  The flogging.  Putting me over his knee (which he is still hesitant on).  Control of sexual situations.  Making demands.  I want to take it further, fully embrace it, see how far our comfort levels will allow us to go.  Gagging.  Restraint.  But I can’t bring myself to ask for it…  And it’s not fear, or even embarrassment, that makes me hesitate.  It’s that I want him to do it because he wants it, because it turns him on.  Not just to please me…  After all, my primary goal is to please him.  So where do I go from here?

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This post did not go the way I anticipated…  That seems to be happening to me a lot recently.  I start off over there and end up way over here.  I didn’t discuss what I came to discuss, so, dear reader, be prepared for some more BDSM stuff cumming up soon!

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Talk Dirty

The Overly Dirty Talker at The Frisky (Photo credit: rachelkramerbussel.com)

Mmmm…  Yes, right there…  A little harder…  Oh, that’s perfect…

We all like to know that are lovers are enjoying themselves when we are doing whatever it is that we are doing…  sucking their dick, licking their pussy, playing with their ass.  The moans and groans of pleasure are sexy as hell, but you know what’s even sexier…  talking dirty.

But sometimes it’s hard to know what to say.  How do you start?  How do you know your lover will  like it?  What if you sound like a bad porn star?  We all have these concerns, but with a little guidance and some practice, you’ll have Jenna Jameson sounding like your grandma at Sunday mass.

The Basics

You want to start talking dirty.  Or maybe you want your lover to talk dirty to you.  Well, the first thing to do is ask.  There are two options:  one — talk about it before hand, at a non-sexual moment or two — bring it up in the middle of some hot sexy love makin’.  Either way, here are some sexy pointers…

• Ask questions of your lover.  How does that feel?  Do you like it when I do (insert verb)?  Not only will this get you talking, but it opens the door for your partner as well.  It is always sexier when it’s a conversation, and not just one-sided.  Added bonus — you may find out secret things that turn your lover on.  Ask her, “What do you want,”  ”What turns you on?”  Her responses might surprise you…
• It’s okay to use words we normally wouldn’t.  Words like pussy.  Cunt.  Dick.  Cock.  Fuck.  It adds to the rawness, the pure sexuality, of the situation.  Especially if these are words you normally don’t use (if you use them regularly, I’m assuming you wouldn’t be looking for info on talking dirty ).  Using “dirty” language also pushes our limits.  Makes us somewhat uncomfortable.  And if we are uncomfortable, we are aware, sensitive to those things going on around us.  To keep sex alive and sexy, sometimes we need to step out of our comfort zone…
• It’s okay to laugh.  We laugh when we are having fun.  Good sex is fun.  If you are just starting to engage in “dirty talk,” be ready to giggle.  You might be nervous, you may feel slightly uncomfortable.  You are more likely to laugh when you are unsure.  It’s okay.  Understand that your partner isn’t going to judge you…  Although it may sound funny, odd, or ridiculous to you, it will turn them on that you are “naughty.”  I promise.

How to Start

• Emails and texts.  Sometimes it’s easier to put things in writing than it is to say them out loud.  If you’re having trouble verbalizing your “dirty talk,” start with sending him a sexy text.  It can be as simple as “last night was great…  thinking of a replay” or “I’ve been
  

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  thinking of going down on you all day…  are you up for that?”  Or, if you are comfortable with it, and a little more promiscuous, you could try something like “I can’t wait to suck your cock tonight” or “I really need to fuck you.”  Either way, get the conversation going.

• Moan and Groan.  If you aren’t quite ready to put the “naughty” words out there, at least make sure you are letting your lover know that you are enjoying what’s happening.  I’ve always been…  umm…  verbally responsive during sex.  Apparently, I make a lot of noise when I’m getting fucked.  I remember when M and I started sleeping together (way back in the “friends with benefits” stage), he was behind me, fucking me doggy style, and I was cumming underneath him.  He started to pick up speed, leaned over me and whispered in my ear, “Oh my God, you make so much noise,” and came, well before he wanted to.  Up til that point, I had never even noticed.  But, in hindsight, I guess I am rather noisy!
• Once you are comfortable expressing your pleasure through sounds, it is time to move forward.  If you don’t know where to start, talk about what is going on, what he’s doing to you…  Examples:  ”I love it when you lick my pussy like that,” “You feel so tight,”  ”You’re mouth is so warm,”  ”You’re cock is so hard,” “You’re pussy is so wet,” …  You get the picture.  If you are hesitant, just say something (anything) and see what the response is.  I’ll bet that it will be a positive.
• Keep in mind that giving an exact play-by-play isn’t that sexy.  It’s hot to say “You cock is so hard.  I love it when you fuck me.”  It’s not so sexy to say “Now I’m licking your pussy.  Now I’m fucking you.  I’m rubbing your clit…”  yada, yada, yada.  There is an extent to the play-by-play.  Say how good it feels, don’t detail your every move.
• Explain what you want.  ”I really love it when you (verb) my (body part).”  Whether it is lick my pussy or fuck my ass, well dear reader, that is all up to you.  But there is never any shame in telling your lover what you want from them.  Telling them what turns you on.

Examples

If you want to talk dirty, but don’t know what to say, fake it til you make it.  After all, practice makes perfect.  If you are at a lack of ideas, try some of these…

• You taste so good.
• You are so beautiful when you cum like that.
• Ride me.
• Harder.
• I want you to suck my cock.
• It feels so good when your fingers are in my pussy.
• I want to make you cum so hard.
• Tell me what you want…

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• Talk Dirty – a Loving Relationship is Easier! (socyberty.com)