Good Intentions…

Masturbation Month (Photo credit: bjo_)

So, I’m trying, truly I am.  Every night this week, I’ve thought about sitting down at the computer and writing and posting.  But one thing leads to another, and when I’ve got to choose between blogging and sleep, well, sleep tends to win over.  But this morning, I had some great thoughts for a few posts.  And I got up shortly after M, and had a little morning lovin, had some coffee, and after M left for work, I had an hour to spare.  So I get the computer, and I go to bed, and sit down to write.

And then I see my wand laying beside the bed.  And my body instantly responds (damn conditioning).  And visions of last night blur through my mind.  M’s cock in my mouth.  His mouth against my smooth lips.  His cock, cumming inside me.  His hand, buried deep into my cunt.  Me, soaking the sheets and bed.

And then my hand, instead of wandering over the letters of the keyboard, wanders to between my legs, where I can still feel M’s cum from this morning’s sex, now mixed with the new wetness of my own, caused by the memories swimming in my head.  And there was no hope of writing what I planned to write, no matter how good my intentions were, my body was demanding release.

So instead of wordpress, it was youporn.  And instead of constants and vowels, it was “mmm” and “ohs.”  And thirty minutes and four orgasms later, I’m writing this, instead of the piece I was planning, because that is all time allows, before the duties of work demand my attention.

So, again, the intention was good, but the orgasms were even better…

9 Weeks: Beginning of Week 2

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If you haven’t been reading regularly, this is about a simple experiment entitled “9 Weeks to Better Sex.”  Week 2 officially starts today.  Before I get into what my goals are for the next seven days, I want to give you a quick run down of last week’s experiment.  You remember my responses to the exercises, but a few things I noticed. 

First, I love sober sex.  I don’t know why it doesn’t happen more (full-time jobs, three kids, house, dog, cat, fish, life).  When I’m drinking, I’ll make sure I get laid.  I’ll be pushy.  I’ll be demanding.  If that doesn’t work, I’ll climb into bed and suck M’s cock til it’s hard, and by that point, he’s up (and awake).  But, anyway, definitely had more sober sex.  And it was good.  Two nights of squirting (woo-hoo), and a sore pussy from it one morning.  So there was more sex through the week (which wasn’t too hard to figure out…  I just had to change my schedule a bit; stop what I’m doing when M goes to bed, fuck, then get back up and finish whatever it was that I was doing.  Not rocket science, but just putting a little more effort towards having sex).  Still no morning sex.  M gets up at 5, me at 6:30ish (which actually means 7).  A lot of nights, especially recently, I don’t go to bed til 1 or 2.  I may be motivated, but I’m not that motivated! 

So…  Week 2:  What You Need For Better Sex

Week two is about learning about yourself to have better sex.  Woo-hoo!!  Sounds like lots of masturbation!  And I don’t know about all you readers out there, but if I don’t have sex on any given day, I’m most likely going to masturbate.  Hell, on a good percentage of days that I do get laid, I still masturbate.  What can I say?  I like to cum.

Erotic Education

The first two reading for this week include “Mapping out your sexual body” and “Writing your sexual history.”  I have not read these yet, but at first glance, “Mapping” is about learning your own body, mentally and physically.  “Writing,” however, is about writing, not just a list of partners and positions, but

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awakenings, education, influence.  Uh-oh.  I have a lot of secrets.  Not horrible secrets, but things that are mine that I haven’t shared.  With anyone.  Ever.  Real secrets.  Things I’m not proud of…  This one will be a big thing for me.  I love to write, and it comes easy, but I think it will be hard, as it asks for a lot.  I’m sure I’ll post it once it’s complete.  Afterall, that is the point, both of this blog and this exercise.  If I’m going to do it, I’m sure as hell going to take all of you along with me. 

Next we have “Lies we’re told about sex” and “Masturbation Myths.”  These seem to simply address sexual lies and myths.  It seems pretty simple.  I’ll let you know if there is anything overly exciting.

Get Your Hands Dirty

This section has two different components.  The first is “Masturbation techniques” and discusses, obviously, how to masturbate.  But it has sections titled “Advanced Masturbation” and “Talk dirty to yourself.”  This is interesting, as I tend to go through phases with masturbation where I do it the same way, over and over again, for months on end.  Then I’ll switch it to something else, and I do that for months and months.  I feel that there maybe another Guide to Female Masturbation coming up soon…

The other part of this section is “Switch it up…  With yourself.”  It’s a brief article, discussing how we make sex habitual (damn, I just said that).  It discusses simple ways to switch it up.  Use your left hand instead of your right.  Do it in a different place.  Use different fantasies… 

Better Sex Journal

This is a series of five questions to use as a reflection of the week, what you learned and accomplished, and an analysis of your sexual history…  (Fuck, I really don’t want to do this!).

Final Thoughts…

I find it interesting that I’m having such a strong negative response to this.  I very rarely have any negative thoughts when it comes to sex.  And, fuck, this whole week is about masturbating.  How awesome is that!  But this whole sexual history thing…  It getting to me.  I did not look at the Week Two agenda until I opened up wordpress and stated writing this post.  Maybe that’s the problem.  It caught me off guard.  You, dear reader, are getting the raw thoughts as they are appearing.  No filter.  But the thing is, I don’t really know why I’m all geeked out about it.  Fuck, I know my history.  And, as much as I  love sex, it’s not that exciting.  I’ve had a limited amount of partners (5 boys 3 girls), only a few incidences of trauma, and some shitty stuff that I’ve done…  I don’t know.  I guess (hope) by next week, I’ll have it figured out.  And you, dear reader, will be my confessional…

 

A Guide to Female Masturbation

I don’t know how much of an issue this is, but I thought it was something I should maybe talk about…  female masturbation.  Some studies say

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as many at 58% of women don’t masturbate.  I can’t imagine a life without masturbation.  I’ve masturbated as long as I can remember, at least starting in my very early teens.  I read my first romance novel when I was in sixth grade.  I would stay up late, reading with a flashlight.  It seems so cliché, looking back, but I’m guessing that’s probably when it started.  I would sneak my mom’s PlayGirl magazines and always read the stories.  I would get wet, touch myself, but hadn’t really realized that there was more.  Then one day I read a story where a girl straddled a window while fingering herself (she was showing off for her sexy neighbor) and so I took my magazine from my bed, went to the bathroom, and straddled the side of tub.  And that is the only way I masturbated for the next, maybe, eight to ten years. 

I would use vibrators and such, but if I was doing it by hand, I would have to straddle something, riding my hand with two or three fingers in my pussy.  Then one day, probably around 20, I was living with a guy I dated, another couple, and one more guy.  There were five of us in the house with one bathroom.  It was hard enough to try to take a shit in private, let alone be able to get in the bathroom, have time to rub one down, and not be distracted enough for it to actually happen. I decided it sucked that I couldn’t just lay back and masturbate in bed.  I was then on a mission to learn to masturbate all over again.  It took awhile (like months), but I finally learned how to get myself off without having to use a vibrator and without having to “ride” something. 

How nice it is to just be able to lay back and rub my clit and cum.  I don’t know if this is a common problem among women, but I figure I’m not the only one out there.  So here you go ladies…  Masturbating tips and advice.

Start Off Right

• If you’re trying something new, it will help if you can “set the mood.”  Relax.  Take a bath, lotion yourself up.  Make yourself feel sexy.  Have a little wine.  What ever it is that will get you ready.  Obviously, you don’t need to do this every time you masturbate, but, even if it’s not your first time, sometimes it’s nice to take your time and seduce yourself.
• Fantasize.  Think about a really hot sex session you’ve had, or one that you’d like to.  If you prefer, read a sexy story or put in a porn that will turn you on.  I masturbate to porn a lot.  I like it.
• Touch yourself.  If you are new to masturbating, start slow, touching yourself in different places and in different ways.  Tug on your nipples, rub your inner thighs.  Remember, it’s not just your clit and vagina.  I like to touch the outside of my pussy, cup my vulva, play with my outer labia, pulling on them just slightly.  I also play with my nipples a lot, especially once I’m excited, as it helps me to cum.
• Try it in the tub.  Many women like to masturbate in the tub.  It helps you relax and bodies always feel sexy when they’re wet.  An old roommate taught me a bathtub technique once.  She would lay on her back with her feet up on the shower wall, with her pussy positioned under the faucet.  She would get the water just right so that it was hitting her clit over and over again.  It made her cum so quick.  I’ve tried it.  It feels great, but doesn’t work for me…  I tend to need a lot of pressure to cum, but it’s a great warm up.

Clitoral Stimulation

 

 

 

• First, as with anything, it’s different for everybody.  What feels good for me, might not do the trick for you.  So play around.  See what feels good.  Experiment.
• Figure 8.  Take a few fingers, and trace a figure eight around your pussy.  Start at the side of your clit, go up and around the hood, then cross back over, and run your finger(s) around the bottom of your vaginal opening.  Continue the pattern, modifying where you see necessary.  Try different pressures, speeds, directions.  Make little pit stops:  run a few circles around your clit, dip a finger into your pussy, do whatever feels good.
• Spread ‘em.  Take your pointer and index fingers and use them to spread your outer lips apart.  Use your middle finger to play with your clit.  Rub it back and forth.  Do circles over it.  I once read that more women use a circular motion to cum than any other movement.  They also said that most circle to the right (clockwise if you are looking down at it).  This position also makes it very nice and easy to take that middle finger and insert it.  Pull up some of those pussy juices to keep your clit lubricated and slippery.
• The hood.  Many women like to play with the hood of their clit.  Put your fingers on the skin surrounding your clit (sometimes, especially depending on arousal, it may be hard to do this because the clit engorges, swelling up past the skin), and rub your fingers lightly back and forth, making the skin massage your clit.  This is really useful if your clit is extra sensitive, as it takes away the direct pressure.

Vaginal Stimulation

• I like to use two fingers, sometimes even three, when I finger myself.  Make sure that your nails are short and smooth, or you may cause yourself some pain here.  Start with one finger, and play, pushing it in and out of you pussy.  Depending on how that feels, add another or two.  Or three.  I like to press the heel of my hand against my clit and kind of grind on it, but that’s me.  You will need to find what works for you.  Some like an in-and-out motion, others like to move their fingers only on the inside, touching the vaginal walls. 
• This can lead to G-Spot stimulation.  While touching your vaginal walls, massage the front wall, about two to three inches in (give or take in either direction).  As you become excited, you’ll feel an area that feels a little different–kind of like it has ridges on it.  That’s your G-Spot.  Massage it, trying different pressures.  It may become harder, and that is a good thing.  Continue to touch it, applying pressure.  If you relax and are really enjoying it, this can bring on female ejaculation.  I, myself, have sadly never been able ejaculate through masturbation, although M is able to make me squirt.  As I’m not familiar with making yourself squirt, I don’t really want to give too much advice on it.  If any of you readers out there have suggestions, please comment.  I’d be really excited if I could make myself squirt.  I don’t know if I’d ever even leave my bedroom.

Vibrators

• Depending on what toys you have, you can use just about any of the above techniques with a vibrator, just make sure if you are
  

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  masturbating in the tub, you are using a water proof toy.  You can get vibrators for you clit, ones for penetration, some specially designed to hit your G-Spot, and some that do all of it.  One of my favorites is an attachment for my Wand, it massages my clit, has a G-Spot designed dildo, and a small plug that can get inserted in to my ass.  Play around.  Find what works for you.

• A word of caution, especially for those new to masturbating.  A vibrator can make you cum much quick and harder than manual stimulation.  That’s fine.  But don’t solely rely on it.  Some women who only use a vibrator will get to the point where they must have it to cum, as it actually desensitizes the nerve endings.  And I don’t know about you, but I don’t ever want to have my pussy desensitized.

Final Thoughts

• Remember–There is no right or wrong way to masturbate.  Everyone likes different things.  Many women add different props (pillows, bath tubs, electric toothbrushes…), use different positions, touch themselves in different places and in different ways.  Don’t be embarrassed.  Don’t feel guilty.  Pleasure yourself.
• If you are just learning, take it slow.  Don’t try to get off, just do it to pleasure yourself.  When you first start, and are learning how to touch yourself and what works for you, it will feel good.  But it may take sometime to learn to bring you to climax.  Don’t stress about it.  Just take the pleasure and keep on practicing!
• There are benefits to masturbation, other than the obvious one of pleasure, so do it for your health.  Masturbation helps you to get to know your body.  It can help you sleep at night.  It can lower your pain levels (temporarily).  It can reduce stress.  Self-awareness, less pain, more sleep, and stress reduction…  Who doesn’t want that.
• The best part of masturbating…  learning what turns you on.  Knowing how you like to be touched.  And then being able to pass that information on to your lover.

Related articles

• Women and Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn’t Know (women.webmd.com)
• Masturbation Health Benefits – Touch Your Sexual Organ for Pleasure (socyberty.com)
• Enjoying Her “Me” Time with a Masturbator be (socyberty.com)
• Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation (ganjavibes.wordpress.com)