WTF! More Bullshit Relationship Advice

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First, let me apologize.  I feel like I’m ranting, again.  But I didn’t know what to post tonight, and I just came across this, and it pissed me off, so here you go.

Where do people get this shit!  I found this on YourTango.com (whose tag line is Smart Talk About Love), which I get daily emails from.  Sometimes it has interesting articles, which can help to spark my imagination on upcoming posts.  Today was not one of those days.  I was rummaging through my emails tonight, and I see an article titled “She’s Doing Threesomes & He’s Doing Lonesome.”  And I instantly thought about my threesome series and thought it may be interesting to tag.  And then I started reading it…

It begins with a question from a dude who doesn’t trust his girlfriend, as she spends too much time with people she used to fuck, not date, just fuck.  He’s particularly upset, because a “friend,” he doesn’t state if it’s male or female, who she had a threesome with before is spending the night at her home.

The “expert,” Nina Atwood, whose response begins by talking about how the relationship has a lot of “red flags” and continues with “…it’s not okay to have threesomes, and it’s not okay to have someone you once had a threesome with spend the night with you while you blow off your boyfriend. It’s not okay, that is, if you want a committed relationship that is built around love and fidelity.”

Okay, I understand that sex is different for everyone.  And that my thoughts and feelings are perhaps a little more promiscuous than most.  Or maybe it’s just I’m a little more willing to admit it and talk about it.  But what the fuck.  Who says it’s not okay to have a threesome?  I guess threesomes are not the “norm,” but it’s not like they are uncommon to at least think about, as everyone always says they are a man’s number one fantasy.  And I know they are quite up there on my list, too.

And, I get that you may not want a guy who used to fuck your girl spending the night at her house.  But the way it read, it seemed to me that her friend was a chick.  And lots of girls have threesomes with their friends (okay, maybe not a ton, but I bet in a lot of FFM, the girls were friends).  The girl that was in my threesomes is still my best friend.  And we haven’t fucked around in over 10 years.  And I really don’t ever see us fucking around again.  She was my maid of honor, and I will be her’s next fall.  I still talk to her almost everyday.  And, before her guy moved in, if I was staying at her house, we slept in the same bed.  And we didn’t have sex.

I guess my point is it’s not always about sex.  It’s about friendship.  And sometimes sex just happens.  It doesn’t mean it will always happen.  And if any guy thought he could tell me that I couldn’t see my friend, I think I’d tell him to fuck the hell off.  Even if it was a “committed relationship built around love and fidelity.”  Dumb bitch.  Trying to spread vanilla to the people of the world.

Then she continues, saying,”If you don’t have any sexual boundaries yourself, you can’t expect your partner to have them. But if you do have morals…”  Her chain of thought is if you have had a threesome, or hang out with someone who you had sex with before, then you have no sexual boundaries.  And if you have no sexual boundaries, you have no morals.   So, if I have engaged in consensual, adult sex, and it either involved three people, or I still have these people in my life, I have no morals.  God, I fucking hate people!  And just so you know, I’m trying really hard not to quote out of context.  This is literally two lines down from the last quote.

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Then, she turns the post into a religious monologue, saying “Here’s the reality: Sex is about three things: procreation, connection, and pleasure.”  Ahhh…  Now I understand.  You want us all to have lots of babies that we can’t afford in a world that is already over crowded.  I get it.  Geez, you’d think Michelle Dugger fucking wrote this.  She talks about how the only reason we have the desire to have sex and receive pleasure from it, is because of procreation.  And I don’t disagree.  But just because it developed that way (she uses the word “create”), doesn’t mean that is the only way to use it.  After all, opposable thumbs allowed for tool making, does that mean that they can’t be used for video games?

She ends with “But over time, the “sex without love” person becomes emotionally numb, cut off from the ability to attach and form a lasting commitment.”  The only thing that I have to say to that, lady, is that if your “committed relationship” focused on “love and fidelity” with all your “boundaries” and “morals” leaves you emotional satisfied but dry as a desert, then I’ll take “emotionally numb” and my lack of “sexual boundaries” for a dripping pussy.

And people wonder why we are still a sexually repressed society.

Threesomes: Issues That May Arise

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If you are just catching up, and interested in threesomes (and who’s not interested in threesomes), this is Part 2 of a mini-series.  You can read Part 1 here. ……………………………………………………………………………………….

You’ve thought about it.  You are ready to sit down and really talk about it with your partner.  With your clothes on.  In the kitchen.  Over coffee.  At 2 o’clock in the afternoon (meaning not in bed, naked, at 2 AM after a fifth of Kettle One).  After all, you are having this threesome together.  You want to make sure it’s an experience to remember, to cherish, to recall for future fantasies.  You don’t want it to be the thing that puts a wall between you.  Or worse.  The thing that causes one of you to walk away.

And you, naive reader, may think I’m exagerating.  But I’m not.  Threesomes can wreck havoc on your LTR.  It can damage it in ways that can’t be mended… Now, I’m not trying to scare you.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  But I want you to know what you are getting into before it’s too late.  You need to understand the risks involved and plan accordingly.

Emotions

• Jealousy.  No matter how ready we think we are to see our lover give or receive sexual acts to another, we don’t know how to respond until we are in the situation.  And what we imagine happens in a threesome, isn’t quite always how it plays out.  There will be times when it isn’t everyone touching everyone.  When there are two people fucking (sucking, licking, etc), while the other person touches, not necessarily a primary member of the action taking place.  Be prepared for that.  A good rule of thumb — make sure each of you is the center of attention at least once, that way every has a time where they can lay back and just feel…  I imagine this is a bigger problem with girls than with guys (especially in a FFM, what guy is going to be upset to sit back and watch two girls 69?  Not one that I know).  Guys, make sure you don’t get lost in the moment and leave your partner sitting out for long.  You don’t want to leave out your third either, but she’s not the one that sleeps in your bed every night…
• Insecurity.  It will creep up on you.  You might think it’s fine to see your girl get slammed by another dude.  You’ve talked about it.  You’ve fantasized about it.  You’ve beaten off to it.  But then, there you are.  You’re watching.  She crawls across the bed towards him.  You can see the moisture glistening on her pussy lips.  She’s so wet.  She reaches him, pulls down his zipper.  Pulls out his cock.  ”Oh my god” she says, “You’re cock is so huge.”  You glance around, trying to catch a peak of his cock as she wraps her lips around it, and you notice it is pretty big.  Huge, in fact.  And thick.  And hard.  You look down.  Damn.  The point being, watch what you say.  Things like big, huge, tight…  these words may make your partner even more insecure.  After all, if you are commenting that her pussy is so tight, your girl is going to be thinking, “If her pussy feels that tight, then she must be tighter than me.  If she’s tighter than me, will he enjoy her pussy more than mine?  And if he enjoys her more than me, …”  You get the picture.  Just be aware of your dirty talk and the insecurities they can cause.

Rules

• What’s not allowed.  Talk about it.  (You can see that there is going to be a lot of talking
  

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  before you actually end up in bed).  There could be no penetration.  No anal.  No kissing (!).  Whatever it is, talk about it and set clear boundaries.  And if you have things you don’t want your partner to do, please, please, please tell them.  I know that there are some of out there, not wanting your man to fuck cute blonde from the bar.  But you don’t want to say it, because you don’t want to ruin it.  Believe me, NOT saying it will do a lot more damage than saying it.  Trust me.

• Check in with each other.  Often.  Discuss what it is that you will do to make sure each other is okay.  It can be something as simple as touching an elbow.  And then know that every time he touches your elbow, he is checking to make sure that everything is okay.  That you are still enjoying yourself.  That you want to continue.  This will not only make sure that both of you are still enjoying yourself, but it will let your partner know that you haven’t forgot that they are there.  That you are concerned about their well-being.  Be aware:  jealousy can pop up at any time.  A different noise, a different look.  It could be anything that triggers it.   You need to keep that in mind so if and when it comes, you can deal with it right away.
• Safeword.  If it’s your first threesome, for any of you, it may just be easier to make a safeword that all three of you are aware of.  If anyone gets uncomfortable, if anyone wants it to end, just say the word and it’s over.  No questions asked.  ”Red” is always an easy one.  As is “safeword.”  Become comfortable with the idea of a safeword, because it can lower the stress that you, or your lover, or your third, may be feeling.

The Third

• If you decide to have a threesome with a friend, someone you know, think really hard about it before you follow through.  I’m not saying it can’t be done (all of my threesomes have been with friends), but you need to be prepared that it very well may change the dynamic of your friendship.  It may not.  I’ve had sex with people I know and there was no awkward weirdness afterwards.  Kind of like nothing happened at all.  And then I’ve had those people that I’ve simply made out with, and things just never seemed to be the same.  If you are set on the threesome being a friend, go for it, just make sure that you are all on the same page.  But if you can, I would suggest that it not be someone close to you.  Not someone that you may be willing to lose.
• Their rules.  You’re third will have limits and boundaries as well.  And these need to be discussed and respected.  What are they looking for in the adventure?  What do they enjoy?  What don’t they like?  Ask questions before hand.  Maybe she is bi-curious, and is willing to be on the receiving end, but isn’t interested in going down on your girl.  These are things that are good to know going in.  It will eliminate uncomfortable situations…
• Making it special.  This person, woman or man, is giving you and your partner a great gift.  Something special that you will remember for a long time.  Make sure it is good for them too.  Don’t just focus on each other.  Remember, they are the third wheel.  Don’t make them feel that way.  Make them feel that they are just important as each of you are…  Because,
  

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  really, they are.  They are the one that is making the threesome happen.

• Safety.  You will not know your third’s background, and they won’t know yours.  Be safe.  Use protection.  Again, discuss this before hand.  If everyone is up to date on tests, that’s even better.  But talk about it…  Please!

Final Thoughts

I feel that this is kind of repetitive of the last threesome post.  But I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to go over these things.  Hopefully, none of these issues come up.  But if they do, you want to know how you’ll handle them.  After all, hope for the best, but plan for the worst…  Next threesome post:  Finding a third…